That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
