he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
