We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
