no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
