You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
