i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
