Dignity is for republicans.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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