dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
