How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Buhtt sex?
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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