Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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