Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
