if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
