No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
