Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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