my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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