the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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