there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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