he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
