is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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