That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
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czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
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I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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