did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
