I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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