Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
