mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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