Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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