I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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