Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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