I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
