bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
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