How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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