he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
