the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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