yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
