i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
