I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Will you blow on my dice?
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
