What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
