Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
