So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
