Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
