So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
