is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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