I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
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Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
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I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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