my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
