the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Randomize
