he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
