I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
