Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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