So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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