Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
