Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
