I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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