PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
