I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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