I feel like abortions should bother me more
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
