who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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