oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
