life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
