trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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