Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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