i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
