He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
