I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
