Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
