I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
