Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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