you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I love you.
Bad choice
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
