It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
