I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
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I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
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I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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