iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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