somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
